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necessary downturn (compositions 2009​-​2020)

by Nathan Hubbard

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1.
2.
the act of leaving 1. each door leads to another door i am not a hallway i am a window (look thru me) no table no chairs (look past me) the downtime no passway past causeway no halfway i work against myself in the far off non-speaking poison inhabits darkness darkness inhabits (i) (i) (i) in the downtime no passway past causeway no halfway growing rage (doesn't equal) growing loneliness (doesn’t equal) growing dark (doesn’t help) growing out (doesn’t help) equal to the downtime no passway past causeway no halfway speak now or why bother (no) leave now or why bother (no) all roads lead the same direction wind blows north i move south - no passway past causeway no halfway all the lights are red it doesn't matter how far i drive what a contradiction of forces up down too far behind one more day in this faulty body leads to downtime no passway past causeway no halfway mostly everything has a shadow 2 dreams of being blind in one eye and able to see in the other is a clear indication of the inbalance of my body dreams of being chased, constantly, back and forth and back and forth and over and thru and back and forth dreams of old men offering me advice, dreams of old men yelling advice at me, dreams of old men yelling dreams of being blind in one eye   dreams of being able to see in the dream i am being chased in the dream it is constant, back and forth and back and forth and over and thru and back and forth dreams of old men offering me advice dreams of old men yelling advice at me, why would i listen to you? dreams of old men yelling - yelling is not offering, offers do not yell, why is everyone yelling? dreams of a road i need to be on but I am too far north. Repeated repeated i know the road i know the side roads, i am on the wrong road i am too far north the north road has a gate i dream of the gate there is no gate i dream of the road The road is not a dream too far north dreams of falling, a long fall from a high point. i cannot control my fall. i am falling. dreams of the ledge, dreams of the wind as i am falling. this is not a dream, this is falling 3. we work this works we work we work  (2x) why stop this works we work we work this works we work we work (2x) this works this will work this works this works 4. giving - receiving these are words that mean nothing to be - concealing these are options to be revealing the truth is an option the sideline is guaranteed dead end street lights leave nothing show nothing - offer nothing surviving - reviving these are words used when beyond the point of no return to be - concealing these are options to be revealing your truth is an option the sideline is guaranteed deadend street lights leave nothing i can’t give my heart to anyone 5. always working [readymade] always moving [irongrade] ignore [ignore] in an active space all issues can be ignored in an active space always in motion means nothing works readymade irongrade few problems exist in an active space all issues can be ignored in an active space always working [readymade] always moving [irongrade] ignore [ignore] in an active space all issues can be ignored in an active space brick walls and mortar means nothing to the walls we build {weighting the options between foundation and walls between windows and sky} all issues can be ignored in my active space all issues can be ignored in my active place
3.
4.
(thirteen miniatures) 1. within my voice is many voices 2. its a year yet tell me how do i know so the earth quakes and the rain takes all its final notes 3. i am the storm i am the push i am the thought i am the end 4. keep this between us you're better than this keep this between us things could be different keep this between us as we pass on the stairs 5. (for Tim Mays) under the green light my life changed 6. (interlude one) 7. (this next piece is for Mackenzie Leighton) bridge jumper sky runner time bender life expander 8. (wingman apology) i really wish it was me being shutdown just for the moment of being with you 9. (for Eval Kneival) follow it build it grow it make it top it change it top it  follow it follow it 10. the black clouds have come again 11. (interlude two) 12. (deadend) of all the choices of all the options of all the memories of all your picks of all the sun of all my chances of all the roads of all the forks of all the pauses of all the choices i'm a deadend 13. regrets only you were never as good as i thought you'd be
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three songs 02:22
three songs -  I knew something was wrong (text by Dorothea Grossman) I knew something was wrong the day I tried to pick up a small piece of sunlight and it slithered through my fingers, not wanting to take shape. Everything else stayed the same— the chairs and the carpet and all the corners where the waiting continued. It is not so much that I miss you (text by Dorothea Grossman) It is not so much that I miss you as the remembering which I suppose is a form of missing except more positive, like the time of the blackout when fear was my first response followed by love of the dark. Noon Concert (text by Dorothea Grossman) These frail, white widows  who get their hair done weekly  in tight curls,  like little flowers,  bend their heads  until the applause  says it’s time  to be brave again.

about

Nathan Hubbard
necessary downturn (compositions 2009-2020)
Castor&PolluxMusic058

connection point thru-way
the act of leaving
last (passing) moment (for james tenney)
thirteen miniatures
adaptive prefix point
necessary downturn
day after the equinox
derivative of the base word
three songs
i knew something was wrong
it is not so much
noon concert

credits

released March 17, 2023

Anne Whattoff - voice
Nicole Shue - violin
Michael Tagart - viola
Sharon Taylor - cello
Arianna Warren - Bb + bass clarinet
Christopher Adler - piano
Steuart Liebig - e bass
Nathan Hubbard - vibraphone

all compositions+text copyright Nathan Hubbard/Castor&Pollux Music 2023
except - three songs text by Dorothea Grossman

produced/recorded/edited/mixed by Nathan Hubbard
February 24th 2022 + January 21st + February 11th 2023 AGMC Eastlake CA
mastered by Chris Hobson
layout/cover photo Nathan Hubbard
double exposure photo Maya Little-Saña

thanks - Sharon Taylor, Anne Whattoff, Nicole Shue, Ariana Warren, Michael Tagart, Christopher Adler, Steuart Liebig
also thanks to Antonio Grajedo
also2 - Dottie Grossman, Wadada Leo Smith, Mackenzie Leighton, the archangel, Soldau, etc.

anybody that isn’t here wasn’t here to begin with

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Nathan Hubbard San Diego, California

Nathan Hubbard, composer, instrument builder, percussionist --- new Skeleton Key Orchestra double CD out now!

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